Monday, September 20, 2010

Letting Go

As I begin to write this, I'm still at a loss as to where to start, or what it is I think I need to say.

Perhaps not need, but more importantly why. Why is the founding question of my being. There are those I believe that understand this precept. But they are few, and I doubt that they understand completely.

I sit here, alone again, forced to deal with my private demons. We are old, wary, acquaintances and we all bear scars.

Scars are funny things after all. They define us, and remind us of battle past. Fought and won...fought and lost.

I feel tonight that whilst I have fought through most of my time in this plane of winnings are few, and shallow. I only recently comprehended that even when I thought I had won...truly I lost. I lost time if nothing else, and there is nothing so valuable and irreplaceable as time.

I've wasted a lot of precious time fighting to be "right" for my mind's sake, ignoring my heart.

My heart is the matter tonight.

There are those who would seek to counsel me in regards to my heart. I have asked no one else save the one whom my heart belongs to what shall I do.

There are those who would seek to disenchant me from the one who owns my heart, to speak with venom about her.

She shared this with me today: "If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." -Dalai Lama

This I intend to heed.

This time, I won't run with my mind. So many should hope to know the compassion I have been given from the one they have spoken so harshly against.

I intend to practice compassion, even now when I fear I may never have my heart return.

I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.